How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
