nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
