I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
