I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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