On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Randomize
