this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize