It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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