So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
