she pinky promised me she was 18
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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