So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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