sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
