Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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