I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize