I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
