Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize