My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
