So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
