she woke up with a sticky ear
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
