Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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