my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude. I can hear the air.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize