just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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