i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Holy sore nipples Batman
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
