He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
