ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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