the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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