I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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