he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
