Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
