I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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