your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When did angry sex become our thing?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
