A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
