So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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