soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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