Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
