I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize