The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
