I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize