I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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