I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
