I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
