Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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