sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
