Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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