She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
