your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You ever have a fart follow you around?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
