i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
