Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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