Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
