he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
not ubering you a puppy
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
