I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
