its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
