Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
