I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
