he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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