wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well I just put wine in my tea
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
