Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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