....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
