Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
