party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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