shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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