can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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