My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
