Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
