If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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