12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
